A serious development has occurred with respect to the above trash in that a formal complaint has been received. However, your mismanagement has brushed this aside with an appriopriate reply. See below…
Good day to you,
In your recent edition of “The Stage”, I note the author has written:
“No damp squids here; just the odd broken plate”.
I am sure the author meant to write “No damp squibs”, a squib is a reference to type of firework (squib) that has become damp. Basically, a dissapointment. However, it appears the author was simply relieved that there were no recently discarded members of the octopus family in the school hall, which is an odd observation to make, worthy of further investigation.
I have no comment to make on the broken plate being odd.
Lt Col Timothy Lancelot-Curruthers (Mrs)
I do not know how you can so blithely dismiss the most intelligent observation that there were no squids to be seen in the recent CODS performance, damp or otherwise, expected or otherwise, despite the fact (another one) that there is an obvious allusion to marine creatures in the very title of the production company. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that a Kirton audience who, for the most part, are likely to not have the foggiest where, or even what, Dagenham is/was might reasonably expect some ancillary entertainment from something a little more amusing than the odd lost bovine more usually met around QE lower (which of course is higher as the author rightly pointed out, though not, of course, at the top). As it was, the deft shot on china by the lead (not the metal) male provided a welcome moment of inadvertent amusement, which, had there happened to have been a sizeable squid present with goalie skills that were employed to save the shot, would, metaphorically, have brought the house down. However, I can see that the addition of this animal to the performance might have compromised the story to the extent that nobody would have had a clue what it was all about. I submit that this is the real reason no squid was seen on the night in question. Nor (which seems to have escaped your notice) was any squib, lit, damp or otherwise, seen. The serious fire hazard of such an inclusion, being the obvious explanation for this omission.
Singed in absentia,
Sir Arthur Arbuthnott, retired, KPMG (Ms)
Haddock’s Boxing Day trash
Woody’s trash 24-12-16