The sheep master has recently been surveying the sheep of Scotland and can confidently confirm that there are lots, and lots of them. All over the place in fact.
The ‘Alternative Sheep’ may or may not continue. If it were to be by popular demand then it definitely would not as there hasn’t been any. Also the other lot have now moved on to fish and tractors and what have you, so a change of direction and purpose is indicated. Suggestions will be considered if polite and considered.
Alternative “Sheep of the Week”!! (possibly month) event. The winner will be a prize.
Why not have your own favourite sheep featured here? A small pint of ale for the webmaster assures your place.
This week we feature the SOB
The SOB (sad old bugger) is sometimes seen lurking alone in a corner of a field. Shunned by all, this animal has the aromatic charm of a cheap Afghan coat that’s been left out in the rain together with less sartorial elegance than even the scruffiest old bag lady.
A farmer will often try to pass on a SOB by hiding it in a flock at a farm animal auction. But, who would want to eat this this manky member of the bovid family? What shearer would touch it? Beware any buyer who has brought a young daughter with him to the auction, he will regret it. If she spots the SOB she will instantly feel sorry for it and beg dad to buy it for a pet. She will see its untamed tousled hairstyle and carefully tended grime as irresistibly cute. If you have been watching ‘Top of the Lake, China Girl’ you will understand .
Previously featured ‘sheep of the week’!
The Laid Back sheep
Ultra relaxed and always calm and confident, this breed is the epitomy of cool. Do not confuse it with the Marks & Spencer laid-back-sheep (shown left) which, by the way, received some adverse comment from customers for being a bit ‘smutty’, whatever that is.
Some people assume this breed takes its name from the song ‘Laid Back’ performed by the American group ‘The Sheepdogs’. Don’t be so silly, this animal is the real deal. Specially bred for the gentleman farmer, a small herd of these animals will perfectly enhance even a minor ‘Capability Brown’ back garden.
As might be expected, this can be a somewhat difficult animal to keep. Just like many so-called laid-back people, these sheep have a bloody-minded streak. Making them stay out in the rain or spend weeks in muddy field will undermine their sang froid to the point where they will go on hunger strike by lying on their backs and putting their legs in the air (maybe that’s where M&S got the idea).
The uncommon Buckethead sheep.
This rare and endangered breed shares its name with the famous American guitarist Buckethead and that fine politician Lord Buckethead, who stood against Mrs May, but that’s not enough to make it a popular breed. It’s natural home is the rainy uplands of Dartmoor because of its built in protection from the debilitating “water-on-the-brain” and “leaky ear” conditions, but it’s a tricky animal for farmers to manage. Although they are easily spotted in the terrain, sheepdogs are more or less useless for herding them because the sheep run in all directions and collide with each other, banging their bucketheads together, bringing on a nasty attack of tinnitus, which can be fatal. Not a breed to be used for sheep’s-head soup, but a head is sometimes seen mounted trophy-style on a wall in establishments with a dubious sense of decor, such as the Three Little Pigs. The breed is only kept today for the EU subsidy, hence its endangered status.
This is the well known Yorkshire Black Arse sheep. Easily recognised.
This is breed is sought after for its meat, especially the chump chops which are highly flavoured.
Farmers are usually careful not to cross this breed with the Black Face breed as the sheep invariably get the wrong end away with the RAM ending up as a useless bobbitt.
Crediton Courier, the new organ of KH3
Nippy and Superbug have been corresponding via the pages of that renowned local news rag the Crediton Courier. (Well known for it’s in-depth articles on jam making, flower arranging and post-coital dysphoria). If the writers would like to provide the webmaster with copies of their words they could be made available here to the whole world for avid consumption (not the disease).
Here’s half of it, and I’m looking for the other half (as the Bishop said to the Actress)
Mr Kirby’s letter in the May 26th edition concerning efficient loading of open top buses has set me thinking. We could take his innovative ideas a step further by installing a trampoline as part of the proposed open-air gym near the War Memorial. Travellers waiting for a bus could thus partake of stimulating exercise, and then leap directly on to the top deck as the bus cruised past, without it even needing to stop !
Health and efficiency united in a win-win combination.
I look forward to further blue-sky thinking from the creative Mr Kirby.
Hash Camp 2017
Hash Camp – 14th July 2017
Plume of Feathers
Devon PL20 6QG
Please let me know in the next couple of weeks if you will be attending or not. I need to know numbers for the Friday night on-down in order to book the correct room.
There are a few types of accommodation and must be paid for on arrival. There are shower facilities available on site.
Camping, whether it be tent or camper van, the cost is £7.50 per person per night. Alas, no camp fires permitted.
B&B, £55 per night for a single room or £90 per night for a double room. Other B&Bs are available locally.
The Old Bunking Barn (bring your own bedding) £11 per person per night.
The New Bunking Barn (bedding supplied) first night £19.50, second night £14.
Food is available in the Plume of Feathers.
Breakfast (Saturday and Sunday) you will need to book breakfast on arrival and pay £5.00 per sitting, including beverages. Pay on the day is £5.50 (not including beverages).
Friday night’s meal is at 19.00 hours (note change of time) in the Two Bridges Hotel, 1 mile walk down the road. Hash immediately after the meal – Hare, Mudskipper. End back at hash camp.
Saturday night’s food in the function room at the Plume of Feathers, time tbc.
There will be beer in bottles.
Bring your own. There will be a cooker in the hash tent.
Friday – Mudskipper (Bastille Day, therefore the fancy dress theme will be anything French)
Saturday – Dents & Superbug.
Sunday- TBC, volunteers welcome.
I have put in a request for good weather!
NickO gets his due reward for long, long service to Lasagne
We have noticed a marked reluctance to move on, and who can blame him, you can’t find Chicken Ticka Masala Lasagne just anywhere.